ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize