I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize