Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
