can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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