One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
