never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
