You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
