Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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