Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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