So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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