and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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