I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
