yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
