he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
