I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
