Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
