I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
