You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
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