Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
