oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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