his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
