I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
