What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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