I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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