I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
