summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
