Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
