Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
