i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
