Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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