the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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