I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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