What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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