Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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