Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
