i think my mom watched the whole time
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
