She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
