Duck Duck Cougar?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I know her cup size but not her name....
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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