Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
