i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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