We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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