Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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