Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
