Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize