my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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