Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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