ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
