The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
