The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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