LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
