So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
