I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Farmville is her only friend.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Let's paint friendship bongs
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
