am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
