yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I think i got beer on your cat.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
