Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
