babies were throwing up all over the place
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
