I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
