I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Randomize
