um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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