8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
