you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
