Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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