Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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