the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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