last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize