Your face is a jimmy john
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
