Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
