If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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