so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
