So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
