Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
