Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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