Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
