Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we're making bets on your personal life
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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