I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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