Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
