Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
