I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
