Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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