I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
