The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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